Peer Review #1

Your Name: Delia Welsh

Writer’s Name: Sena Strong

Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.

If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here: My reason for wanting to study and do fieldwork on this subculture is because I am interested in this organization. I want to know if they are caring and if they have your will at heart.

Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.

Yes, because not all sororities have your will at heart and every sorority community is different. And people could argue if its true or not.

What subculture is named in the paper?

Sororities

Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?

No it states what she will talk about in the paper and what she wants to find out throughout her research.

Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:

Yes

How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.

Yes the sorority is for all female age groups. “my best friend decided to rush as a freshmen”

What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.

Her friends are in the sorority and they will inform her on some of the things that sororities do in general. “Meredith and Sarah can show me what to expect and help me understand more about the subculture”

What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?

Quote from the paper to explain.

She knows what goes on during rush week. “You have your new dresses and everything to impress the recruiters”

Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.

It seems like she telling a story. “When I came home from winter break I never I haven’t seen or talked to my best friend since she’s been in the sorority”

Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?

Yes, she talks about certain topics in each paragraph. She talks about rush week, what she wants to know, what she already knows, and how she is an insider and outsider.

What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?

Talk more about the sorority you want to be in. And why you have those stereotypes about the sororities. What interest you about sororities?

What do you think the strength of this paper is?

She is straight forward with all of the topics of each paragraph. She gives examples of what she talking about.

What are the weaknesses?

Description

What’s missing?

It lacks some detail and description

What’s unnecessary?

I feel she needs everything that stated in the story

Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.

Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.

CRITERIA

READER'S COMMENTS

Weak Satisf. Strong

_____ _X__ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky

Comments:

_____ _____ __X___ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility

Comments: The essay was very strong and interesting

_____ _____ __X___ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader

Comments:

_____ _____ __X__ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation

Comments: There weren’t many errors like 2 or 3

_____ __X___ _____ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?

Comments: There wasn’t much background information about her.